How Did My Smile Turn Upside Down?!?!

Hello friends! Long time no talk. I realize my weekly blog schedule has taken a bit of a halt. I really have no excuse other than my creative mind just wasn’t flowing. I’ve decided not to force blog posts because I want the content to actually be good and authentic and not forced. I feel like you can tell when someone is writing what they want to write versus writing something they have to write. Ya know what I am saying? I plan on putting more effort into posting on my IG page since that is where I get to connect with people the most. PS LOVE when you all send me messages! Literally makes my heart so full that you are so comfortable sharing your life with me! I will post on here when I have things to talk about that cant be captured in a small photo caption.

This week was weird because I didn’t feel good, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. Was it because half my office is hacking up their left lungs? Good guess, but no. I started the week feeling off. I was extra spacey in the AMs which is my tell-tale sign that my anxiety is higher than normal. Woke up EXHAUSTED everyday even though my sleep schedule has been exactly the same, and stayed tired all day long. My attention span was equivalent to a puppy in a tennis ball factory. My desire to do anything was negative 3000 while my desire to sleep all day was 100% squared. I had a million waves of wanting to cry for no reason. After checking my P Tracker app and confirming I wasn’t on the cusp of another shark week, it hit me….Fing seasonal depression!! Right on time for its annual appearance.

When Fall is in the air, life becomes a little meh for this girl..

If I research the life and times of Supriya, I will find a very robust chapter that includes my Fall/Winter blues. While the rest of the basic b*tch population is doing back flips over sweaters and PSLs, I live in dread of my least favorite time of the year. This year it caught me so off guard because not only am I in a relationship, I’m actually in a good relationship where the person enjoys making me happy vs making me a sad cry face. My years of being single and my years of dating terrible humans has always been a huge component of my end of year/new year depression. I mean, who wants to be alone or in a garbage relationship when the rest of the world is celebrating every couples holiday known to man and blasting it all over social media? Couples costumes for Halloween, family thanksgivings, cuddly Xmas day pics, a sweet NYE date, and Valentines Day. Not to mention, my bday is right before V-day. This is typically the time of the year where I want to lock myself in a cabinet and come out in March.

So why the hell am I feeling that depression cloud slowly starting to form over my head? I’ll tell you why, my body does not do well in the winter. I do well when my days are filled with sunshine and warmth. I go into a mild shut down when the only time I get to experience sunshine is through an office window. Granted we aren’t quite there yet. I still have a few more weeks of at least getting some evening sun. Phew!

That’s the thing about depression that I always forget. Even when life is as good as its ever been, even when you only have good people in your life, even when you enjoy your job and have passion projects to fill your cup, depression can still choose to show up and shake up your world. It is a not so friendly reminder that my brain will FOREVER be my own worst enemy. The upside is that this year it shouldn’t be as bad as its been in years prior(*crosses fingers, says a prayer, lights a candle, makes a wish on a star*). In the past whether single or in a relationship, I’ve always felt mind numbingly alone during the holidays. This is the first year that it won’t be an issue because the person who I am spending my life does SO much to make me feel loved. Humble brag for the BF. Which means this year its him and I against this winter blues and we are going to win! Mostly because I will probably be spending too much time laughing at his chili farts while we watch 90 Day Fiance together. Can’t wait til he reads that part. :)

Shout out to all of my peeps who experience this every year too. Know that I am in it with you and we are going to kick some depression ass together!