2020 The Year Of The Alopecians
Guys the last couple weeks have been amazing for the alopecia community. First Ricki Lake went public with her struggles with hair loss. Then Representative Ayanna Pressley shared that she lost all of her hair to alopecia this past year. I’m not going to lie, Rep. Pressley’s candid conversation about her alopecia gave me alllllll of the feels. It is emotional seeing women with such large platforms coming forward with their stories of hair loss. When I first lost my hair in 2015, I remember scouring the internet looking for female “celebrities” who were also dealing with hair loss. With close to 7 million people in the U.S. who have been affected by alopecia, I assumed there had to be a few ladies in the public eye who were dealing with it too. My searches hit dead end after dead end. I don’t know why, but it felt heart breaking not to find anyone. All I wanted was a “Celebrities, they are just like us!” moment so I could feel a tiny sense of normalcy. Which I know is ridiculous because celebs are nothing like us, but I yearned for a to connect with someone who was traveling in my same shoes. I was desperate to find a woman who had bald forced upon them, but was still out there killing the game in life. I wanted to find anybody who could help me see that it was going to be okay.
When Rep. Pressley’s video and article started making the rounds, I felt this overwhelming sense of oh hellllllll yes! This is exactly what the alopecia community needs! 2015 Supriya would have done anything to see a video like this in my first months as a bald woman. The emotions and experiences she describes are so on point that it gives me goosebumps. It feels like she read my mind and was sharing my thoughts with the world.
Some of my favorite quotes:
“I did not want to go to sleep because I did not want the morning to come, where I would remove this bonnet and my wrap and be met with more hair in the sink and an image in the mirror, in the mirror of a person who increasingly felt like a stranger to me.”
“I was wearing this wig, fully clothed. But in that moment, I couldn’t recall the last time I’d ever felt more naked.”
“I didn’t have the luxury of mourning what felt like the loss of a limb. It was a moment of transformation, not of my choosing”
“I felt naked, exposed, vulnerable. I felt embarrassed. I felt ashamed. I felt betrayed.”
I felt these quotes in my SOUL! I will never forget the days where sleep was my biggest fear. Every night I prayed that I would wake up and the hair loss would be done. Yet every morning I would wake up to find more piles of hair on my pillow case. And when I purchased my first wig, I thought I would finally feel normal. Instead, I felt like the elephant in the room. I felt vulnerable, scared, and shameful of my secret. I felt like my wig was actually a light up sign on my head that read, “Look at her! It’s sideshow Sup! She is bald! That is a wig!” Like Rep. Pressley, I didn’t have the luxury of mourning what felt like the loss of a limb. Say it again with me, I didn’t have the luxury of mourning what felt like the loss of a limb. My God, truer words have never been spoken! There is no mourning time with alopecia. It is a loss that is felt daily, but society expects you to function as if nothing has changed. I couldn’t call off of work every time alopecia sent my mind into a state of disarray. If I had, I would have called off every single day for 2 and a half years. Life must go on no matter how badly you miss your hair. No matter how devastated you are that your hair is now gone and there is a chance you will never see it again for the rest of your life. After all, to society, “At least it's just hair”. Words that are so easy to say until you become the person whose hair was lost in a matter of months.
This is why stories like Rep. Pressely and Ricki Lake are just SO IMPORTANT. There is comfort and solace in knowing the emotions you are feeling are shared by other women in all walks of life. From a bad ass congresswoman, to an iconic talk show host and actress. It fills my cup knowing these stories are out there inspiring others on their hair loss journeys. It is further proof that you can have success, you can have happiness, and you can have love regardless of if you have hair or not!!!
If you haven’t seen the article from The Root yet, here is the link. You will not be disappointed. Thank your Representative Pressley for being so raw and inspiring. You are truly out here changing lives!
THE Representative Ayanna Pressley
I recently reconnected with Troy and he was kind enough to send me these pics. When I look at them now, I realize something…I do look like a bad ass in these. I look strong, I look healthy, I look happy! I look like I’m doing something that not a lot of people can do and loving the shit out of it. I look the way anyone should look when they are running a race with HOT CHOCOLATE in the title. I couldn’t see it then, but I can see it now. It is just another reminder that hindsight is 20/20 with alopecia. In the hardest moments its so hard to see anything other than BALD, BALD, BALD. It is so hard to look in a mirror or look at a photo and think positive thoughts. It is so easy to look at yourself and call yourself ugly. It is easy because you actually feel those things. It is not until you take a step back and let yourself heal that you start to see things for what they are. Beauty is not hair. Beauty is loving yourself the way you are. Beauty is the times you stayed strong when you didn’t think you could last for another second. Beauty is when you can find happiness and peace within yourself as you are. To all my baldie boos who aren’t there yet, please keep fighting to get there. I was you too!! I didn’t think happiness was ever going to be in the cards again. I didn’t think I’d every be okay with alopecia. I didn’t think that this day would ever come, but it did!! This means it will come for you too!! Keep the faith! xoxoxo