Started At The Bottom

Somedays I post on my Baldie Boo Instagram and get comments from people telling me they wish they could be as brave as me. It is the best to receive compliments like that, but when I read them, I feel like that puzzled giphy. You know the one. Where the girl is standing there confused as math problems swirl around her head. Brave is never a word I’ve associated with myself. Except on days where I’m having an anxiety attack and I repeatedly tell myself to be brave over and over again. Which just happened to happen today while I was driving to a friend’s wedding shower. Do any of you get driving anxiety? I do and it can be THE WORST. I spent a solid 30 min telling myself to be brave while trying to convince my brain that a semi was not going to plow through my car on my way up North. It is like I am an American Ninja Warrior and everyday my brain is giving me a new warped wall to scale. Anywho, it got me thinking about my alopecia journey. How did I go from the girl who would have rather eaten fried worms than appear in public bald, to the girl who now has a social media dedicated to her bald head and just went to work wig free?!? I came up with a list of things that helped me get to this point and I thought I’d dig deeper into each one in the coming weeks. This week’s contender—attitude of gratitude! Raise your hand if your life completely changed after watching ‘The Secret’ and you’ve spent every day since waiting for checks in the mail! *Raises Hand* Seriously though, I know some people think it is all a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but I swear it’s a real thing! The more things in life you can be grateful for, the happier and more fulfilling life becomes. I’m not completely unrealistic about. I know I could write “I am so grateful and thankful for my beautiful hair” 84 trillion times a day, and my head will stay as bald as can be (said from personal experience because you know I tried!). I get it. BUT I find that journaling things I’m grateful has helped me heal over the years. When I am not actively seeking out things to be grateful for, my brain has a tendency to dip into the emo side of life. You know how it goes— 

“UGH I don’t have hair wahhh”“Why is my life always so hard wahhh”“Nothing ever works out in my favor wahhhh”*Turns on early 2000 Avirl Lavigne and sits in a corner and sulks*

 When I seek out things to be grateful for, I feel lighter. It makes me feel like I am a hop, skip, and a jump away from finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Which is why I love to write in a gratitude journal every night. Putting those uplifting words to paper helps them become engrained in my brain. It helps me feel strong when I’m not sure if I have strength. It makes me feel in control even on the days where alopecia feels like it has taken all control. It makes me feel refreshed and like a new woman ready to take on the world! The funny thing is, the more I find to be grateful for, the more positive I feel. The more positive I feel, the more pieces of my life start to fall together. The more pieces of my life start to fall to together, the more grateful I feel. And so, continues the circle of life! So where do you begin? I suggest start small so it is not too daunting. Three things everyday that you are happy and grateful for. Annnd GO! One of my favorites is “I am so happy and grateful I am 100% healed inside and out!” I’ve written this one for years, and I’m sure you’re thinking…ummm if you were 100% healed wouldn’t you have all of your hair and no anxiety?! Possibly, BUT I will tell you one thing, I have more confidence and happiness now than I ever did when I had hair. To me, that is far more healed than I have ever been in my entire life. Just give it a fighting shot and let it work for you too! PS This week was extra exciting for me because one of my followers (@ishii_fishii) was inspired by my ‘don’t bring your wig to work day’ and followed suit! She stepped into her office minus wig, minus scarf, plus a boat load of amazing and supportive coworkers in their alopecia blue! I thought my heart was going to explode when I saw her coworkers celebrating her mental victory!! If you get a chance, stop by her Instagram page and give her a shout out. I am sooo proud to have been a very tiny part of her major win!

Go Shorty...Its my Birthday!

You guys…it’s happened. I’m officially closer to 40 than I am 30. I suppose technically that happened when I was 35 and 1 day, but from my brain’s perspective it didn’t happen until yesterday. Dun dun dunnnn. If 36-40 is anything like this bday weekend, then I have nothing to be afraid of. *says this while knocking on wood*…*okay it is fake wood..Target night stands for the win* I spent Saturday turning up with 30 something of my favorite humans. We went to Howl at the Moon and danced our little booties off!! If you’ve never been to howl, it’s a dueling piano bar that has a club/dance partayyy feel. 10/10 recommend if you like to drop it like its hot and take jell-o shot out of syringes. 0/10 recommend for food. We ordered cheesy tots that tasted like frozen tots that were microwaved for 37 seconds and served with luke warm nacho cheese. Which is fine because who gives a shit when you can distract yourself by dancing to pianos playing Cardi B?!
These last few months I’ve tried to focus more on things I’m grateful for. I truly believe you can change your life if you shift your focus from bitching about the bad to being thankful for the good. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not Susie sunshine and rainbows 24/7 365, but I’m doing may best to push out negativity from my life as best I can. That is why I'm choosing 5 things about ALOPECIA that I am grateful for. I will always think this disease is a douche canoe asshole, BUT today is my quest for the silver lining!1. Faster than the speed of light…she is ready! – I can leave the gym sweaty as hell, and look fresh faced and ready to go in 30 min. I can do it in under 30 min if I just wipe the sweat of my dome and throw on a wig. When I had hair, there was literally no way to accomplish this without looking like a ratchet mess. Win!2. Aint nobody got time for shaving – Not having to shave is the biggest blessing of all time. I don’t have to worry that I will have stubble 30 seconds after getting goosebumps. I don’t have to consider getting a blood transfusion after slicing open my leg in the shower. I don’t have to start saving for laser hair treatment. I don't have to spend stupid amounts of money on razors each one. Badabing! Win!3. Maybe she was born with it…maybe its Maybelline – Before alopecia, my makeup skillz were mediocre at best. I’m by no means Ash Holm or anything now, but I've learned a smidge more about how this makeup shiz works. I’m no longer deathly afraid of fake lashes or red lipstick. Heck by the end of this year I may even learn how to contour my face!! Either way I'm having so much fun with it. Sooooo...WIN!4. I got friends in low places – I have made some of the BEST baldie friends on the planet through this disease. Literally humans I have never once met, but are my ride or dies. I am forever grateful for the people alopecia has brought into my world. Without them, I probably would have never made it to this place of healing. Win!5. My cupeth fulleth – This blog has brought so much damn fulfillment into my life. It’s given me a sense of purpose and a drive to do more and do better. It is a feeling that I always knew was missing, but never knew how to attain. As a friend once said to me, "When you go through something traumatic, first you grieve, and then you determine what you can take from it to serve yourself and serve others". I think I'm finally figuring it out. Win!I know this list is silly, and if you’re experiencing hair loss, there is a chance you are scoffing at the thought of a silver lining. If you had told me 3 years ago there would be a silver lining, I would have probably kicked you in the shin. Now, I am holding onto hope that you will find it glimmer of hope. Last year I witnessed a lot of hard things happen to a lot of good friends. It has shaken me to my core. I realize more than ever that life is TOO DAMN SHORT to be ungrateful. I’m going to continue working on being grateful and maybe you will too, or maybe you will tell me to go suck a bag of Ds. Either way lets go live our best lives boos!